Foremost of Sinners
And I am the foremost of sinners. 1 Timothy 1:15b
I’ve never understood that verse. How can men like Paul, Augustine or St. Francis call themselves the worst of sinners when, clearly, they are men of God. When I see quotes like this, it doesn’t encourage or reassure me. I don’t think “oh, well if they still feel like they’re terrible sinners, then I’m ok.” Instead, I see little hope for me growing closer to perfection, as Christ was perfect, when the men I admire still claim to be “terrible sinners.” I just get confused. These are godly men saying this…
I never understood that verse until I realized who I stood next to… standing, just for a moment, next to the perfection, the power and the holiness of my Lord, the darkness of my sin dropped me to my knees and my heart cried “Depart from me, for I am a wicked man!” (Luke 5:8) At that moment, Peter didn’t seem so melodramatic anymore. It suddenly didn’t matter how much or how many times I had sinned, it mattered that there is sin; sin that is terribly dark next to His light.
I felt overwhelmed by how terrible I am – and I finally understood Paul and Augustine and Francis. I understood their claims not as false humility, gross sin or just plain lies, but as men standing close to their Lord and seeing their weakness. God had to take me there before he could teach me of His grace: “My grace, Brad, is sufficient for you” and “my power is made perfect in your weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) Father, please help. Amen.
I’ve never understood that verse. How can men like Paul, Augustine or St. Francis call themselves the worst of sinners when, clearly, they are men of God. When I see quotes like this, it doesn’t encourage or reassure me. I don’t think “oh, well if they still feel like they’re terrible sinners, then I’m ok.” Instead, I see little hope for me growing closer to perfection, as Christ was perfect, when the men I admire still claim to be “terrible sinners.” I just get confused. These are godly men saying this…
I never understood that verse until I realized who I stood next to… standing, just for a moment, next to the perfection, the power and the holiness of my Lord, the darkness of my sin dropped me to my knees and my heart cried “Depart from me, for I am a wicked man!” (Luke 5:8) At that moment, Peter didn’t seem so melodramatic anymore. It suddenly didn’t matter how much or how many times I had sinned, it mattered that there is sin; sin that is terribly dark next to His light.
I felt overwhelmed by how terrible I am – and I finally understood Paul and Augustine and Francis. I understood their claims not as false humility, gross sin or just plain lies, but as men standing close to their Lord and seeing their weakness. God had to take me there before he could teach me of His grace: “My grace, Brad, is sufficient for you” and “my power is made perfect in your weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) Father, please help. Amen.
posted by Brad at 4:48 PM
1 Comments:
Thank you for this post. Isn't grace truly amazing (when it is rightly understood)? That it is nothing in ourselves, but all because it pleases God to bestow on us His grace and mercy. Wow. I could just belt out the Doxology! Praise Father , Son, and Holy Ghost, Amen! I've been reading some of your post and you have encouraged me to write more. Keep up the good work, by His grace.
Julianne
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