Saturday, November 19, 2005

Of Noble Character

I guess I’m ready to write this. Writing is hard because, when you’re real, it means you have to be vulnerable. It’s not natural, but it is freeing. I also kinda didn't want to publish this, but I've had it in the wings for a couple of months now, so it needed to be released. I apologize in advance for the length of this entry – no one wants to read a book when they expect a blog entry…. I mean, that’s the beauty of a blog: short and to the point. Or short and pointless. Or just short – because short, of course, requires little commitment – and that’s what our generation loves. If it’s painful, at least you know it will be over soon – but with commitment, you must accept pain as a part of the journey. And in true commitment, the journey becomes what you seek, not just “the point.” That sounds so un-American, doesn’t it? But I'm straying from the topic… One thing I will deliver is a painful, pointless, beautiful, honest, committed, journey filled entry – but it will not be short. Sorry.

The honest truth is I want to meet someone who gives me a sort of amnesia when it comes to my desires for an “ideal mate.” After I meet her, I want to look back at this entry and laugh… a little… the way I laughed when I found my autobiography I wrote in second grade. So much of it was still so true about me – but I had progressed so far since, once my dreams met reality. My childhood dreams, I saw, were far too short-sighted in view of God’s already determined intentions for my life. But, I was content to desire those things at the time – they were all I could see from where I was standing. My vision is far greater and expectations far higher now that I’m more mature – but I expect them to change even more as the Day approaches.

the spirit, heart and mind
I love hippies. Not because of the drugs, “free love,” bad hygiene or unshaven pits – more because of the free spirit. The spirit that says, “I’m in.” That doesn’t care about having or having not, about the discomfort and uncertainty that comes with adventure or about what the celebrities are doing (pet peeve). That looks upon, sees, people with interest, with love, with patience. That stands for her convictions, in protest, but would prefer unity and peace if possible. She doesn’t care what kind of car she drives, or that I drive, for that matter. A spirit that is playful and silly and courageous. And she doesn’t have to be conservative, liberal or moderate. In fact, I’d rather her not be any of those. I’d rather her have been conformed so much to the likeness of Christ, that she’s liberal when He is, conservative when He is and moderate when it just doesn’t matter.

And I love the free spirit, not because it’s “unattached” or “independent,” even though it seems to be, but because it is powerfully “attached” and “dependent;” only not to the things of the world, but to Christ. That is true freedom. I love it because it makes one completely available to God and unavailable to the world… She does not have a plan that says we will live in a house that looks like this or the kids will play this sport or we’ll have this dog, this car or live in this city. A woman that does not want to rule, or plot everything out, but just walk forward in an adventure, a journey, that is uncertain, unclear and wild. A woman who gets her security, freedom and comfort only in the messiah named Jesus the Christ and who is willing to follow a man, who follows the same God. This level of security is evident in the way she talks, dresses, acts, works, plays and follows me. And, she’s not afraid to call me out when I’m wrong.

Creative and artistic, she lives from the heart. She’s been hurt before, because she is open, but that hasn’t made her hard hearted. She is ready and able to be intimate with people in a pure way, because she in intimate with God in a real way. Judgment simply does not exist in her heart, because she lives for God’s approval alone, and does not need to gossip or think ill of others. Her mouth is full of praise and encouragement.

the soul
I’d love to meet a woman that would love and serve Jesus in obedience, even if she knew hell was her final destination. That doesn’t serve only out of gratitude for salvation, but primarily out of love for a beautiful God, her Master, Friend and Savior. Someone who has known and seen the brokenness of her soul, yet she lives in the reality of her redeemed, full and abundant life; she is open and honest in her struggles, void of pride and certain that she is working out her salvation in the context of an eternal life, which has already begun. A woman who does not believe everything the world tells her she should be – but only believes, from the heart, what God’s Word says she is… And she doesn’t watch Oprah, Sex and the City or Desperate Housewives. (Another pet peeve, I guess.) I’m not talking about a finished work here, but an “in process” reality.

the body
Our society makes it out to be superficial to desire physical beauty in a mate – while at the same time, it silently worships that same beauty above any other qualities. Especially in American culture – how many ugly people do you see on TV or in movies? How much more do you value a person who is really good looking over someone who is just plain? Honestly? The reason I put this quality last because I struggle with its place in my heart… that I don’t want it to be first, however I do want to be honest about its place in my life. I want a beautiful wife and it’s hard for me deal with, because it shouldn’t matter that much, right?

But it does. I feel a little guilty about that being even part of the reason I'm not interested in someone, but I've come to the conclusion that, right or wrong, I simply can’t date them if that is the case. I couldn’t date her because, if I did not consider her beautiful, then I was doing her a deep disservice by dating – because another man, better than me, would not do her that disservice. I want her to know she is beautiful and I want her to feel free to make every attempt to be beautiful for me – how could either be true if I didn’t believe it?

Now is about the time I could start listing all the qualities I’m attracted to, but I won’t… instead, I’ll just say that I like someone who is “cute” and “beautiful” rather than “hot” (don’t act like you don’t know the difference). That doesn’t wear a pound of make-up. That is not taller or stronger than me. That is innocent and modest. That is a lady of noble character. That treats her body as a temple, stays in shape but is not rail thin.

Maybe she doesn’t exist. Maybe I’m way off. And I could be -- but until one of those statements are proven true, I will be content being single. Unless, of course, I find her… then I’ll snatch her up before some other hairy-legged punk. I hope this didn't seem like a personal ad -- it's really not. I really just wanted to lay out what I see when I think about a Godly woman, despite cultural traditions. Right now, I am content because I know that I am being held in God’s holy and powerful hand. Lord, help me with the part of me that is not content – that covets. Help me to be pure. Teach me to wait on, and be content in, You.


Blogger Julianne said...

I just wanted to write you and say thanks for the heart-felt post.

2:38 PM  

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